Coping with the Loss of a Child that We Never Knew

Demetrius: We thought this would be therapeutic for both of us. So here it goes...Jaz and I went through a tough ordeal during the month of March. We were so elated to be pregnant, and we were so happy to be past the dreaded 12 week period. We had dealt with a miscarriage just months before this pregnancy and we lost the first baby around 5 or 6 weeks. This one was a little tougher being that we had made it to 18 weeks. We had started planning things. I gave up my game room =( , I had already started double duty around the house (to ease the burden on my wife), and we had started driving around picking out stuff for the baby's room. I just can't put into words how happy I was that I was going to be a father. One evening after work, Jaz began feeling uneasy. I didn't think much of it because she was pregnant (thinking it was normal). She told me she really didn't feel well , so we hurried to the hospital. The next few hours would be the toughest for us both. We found out that the baby would not be able to survive as Jaz's water had broken. It all came at an instant! (Crashing like a ton of bricks) Here we were giving up ourselves and planning our future for it to all be taken away in a flash. The hardest part for me was seeing my wife emotionally ripped apart. In my head, I am thinking...what to do , what to say, and how to say it. I hated to see her cry. I wanted this for her as much as I wanted it for myself. The other thing that was emotionally taxing was seeing the baby (my baby boy). It was as if he was a splitting image of me. It hurt that I didn't have a chance to teach him anything. It hurt that I couldn't be a father to him. It hurt that he didn't get a chance to live. Jaz's mom was there by our side throughout this ordeal. She said the most simplest thing that put this whole situation into perspective. She said, "His time here was done, He served his purpose here, and God wanted him home" My son had taught me to cherish the moments we have on this earth. He taught me that God is in control and the things we have here are not our own. This situation taught me to trust more in God and not my own understanding. Who knows what this life has in store for us? Through pain and heartache, faith, hope, and love endures. Gabriel Melvin Thomas Carter, say hello to everyone up there for me... until next time. Love, Dad

Jazmin: "In 4 weeks, you will find out the sex of the baby." Those were the words that my doctor uttered on my prenatal visit. Demetrius and I were super excited. The baby had a strong heartbeat (150 bpm). I was so excited to know that a life; a life that God had blessed us with would be growing inside of me. I had reached a point of feeling him/her kick. I was starting to "show" and just anticipating August 20th, 2010 when Baby Carter would make its debut. Unfortunately, Baby Carter made his debut March 16, 2010 at 8:20 A.M. @ 18 weeks. Gabriel Melvin Thomas Carter became God's little angel that day. I left the hospital feeling empty, feeling like such a failure (of course none of it was my fault), and not understanding how I went from having a healthy pregnancy to having to bury my sweet baby boy. Longing to hear his cry, longing to see his eyes, longing to know what Gabriel would have become...It hurt me to the core. Many people reached out with comforting words, prayers, and also utter disbelief.

In my time of sorrow, God was continuing to give me strength, continuing to send people my way to let me know that He was still God, and He had not forsaken His children (Demetrius and I). Through prayers and tears, I continued to praise God for who He was to me. Even when I didn't understand, I still gave praises to our Heavenly Father. I began to read and hear other women's stories who had experienced what I had experienced. I felt this was God's way of telling me, "Jazmin, you are not alone." Through His word, God was continually feeding my soul and giving me the strength to eventually face the "world." I was at home for 3 weeks only surrounded by my husband, my tears, my mom, my dad, and encouraging calls, emails, and texts from my "great" girlfriends. My "world" was work, the last place where everyone knew and was excited about my expectant arrival. God gave me that strength and I returned to work very nervous, but very strengthened. I am very thankful for my coworkers; they are a great group of people.

I will say that as I was reminded that each day will get better. Each day has gotten better. I do think about Gabriel...EVERYDAY! He was our first born son (He looked just like Demetrius), but I do hold on to the fact that I know that Gabriel is in heaven and he is watching over his mommy and daddy. I know that God has a purpose for each and everyone of us. Gabriel had a purpose and he served his purpose in those 18 weeks. A very dear friend told me "Jaz, I continue to thank about Gabriel's name and it fits him perfectly...he's here for a short time, but his life leaves such a beautiful mark that changes lives and points others to God." (Oh my sweet Gabriel)

Demetrius and I continue to grow strong as a couple; we continue to trust in our God who loves us and continues to bless us. We are so thankful for the love of family and friends and prayers (The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective James 5:16) An angel that God sent my way told me "A faith unchallenged is a faith unchanged" (So powerful). When we go through trials and tribulations, God wants us to learn something from it and if Demetrius and I came out of this situation unchanged then God would not be pleased, but I feel that Demetrius and I have come out of this stronger, wiser, and better people. I am currently reading "Grieving the Child I Never Knew" by Kathe Wunnenberg and of course the Bible. Demetrius and I continue to have hope that God will bless us with another child, but I remain thankful that God gave me a chance to be a mommy to my sweet baby boy Gabriel. I love and miss you Gabriel, Love Mom